If you’ve been here for awhile, my updates about the Moonlight Writers Club podcast and writing coaching offerings dropped off somewhere around the middle of 2022. There’s much that could be said about why and what’s happened since, but let’s sum it up as: pandemic burnout, getting married, a full time job, and re-discovering my relationship to myself, the internet, entrepreneurship, and writing. Now, I’m back.
It’s really nice to see you again.
If you’ve got a new draft of your magnum opus you need my eyes on, I’m still your girl. If your brand or organization could benefit from a zap of creative strategy and cultural insights, I’m also your girl.
But today, and in this new series, “Brood,” I am a writer and a queer person who has spent the last year and a half trying to figure out how to have a baby. Along the way I have become fascinated by biology, shopped for a sperm donor, battled FedEx and my ovulation window, spent my savings, advocated for parental leave, and had my heart broken by a handful of almost-pregnant moments.
I have only scratched the surface of my curiosity about topics like the ethics of the fertility industry and the way it has impacted donor-conceived people my age, the dearth of donors of color and the racism and medical mistreatment behind this, and all the things they don’t tell you in sex ed.
If you’re interested in how modern families are made, have ever been called “infertile”, or have a fascination with the highs and lows of other people’s lives, this is the place for you. There’s a lot more reasons to follow along, and I hope you’ll write me back in the months to come and let me know how these topics move you and what makes you part of the brood.
To kick things off, today I’m sharing my new essay on these topics that was just published today! Thank you to The Adroit Journal for accepting this piece and giving it a beautiful, no paywall, prestigious-sounding home on the internet.
Here’s a taste:
By now, I have become accustomed to the complex web of logistics that determines whether I get to try to get pregnant every month, and costly overnight shipping lies at the center of it all. One thimble-sized sperm vial—enough for a single attempt—travels cross country in a large nitrogen tank that looks like an old-fashioned metal milk jug. The journey takes a day, the shipping costs four hundred dollars, and the tank can stay cold for a week. For an extra fifty dollars, it can stay cold for two weeks. Once my LH surge starts, I need the vial about a day later, and the surge can come within almost a two-week span that varies every month.
Add in a three-hour time difference with our cryobank and the dueling open hours of their office and FedEx’s shipping and you have the hard level of the game from which there is no escape. Another acronym applicable to trying to conceive might be: FFS.
You can hop over to read Almost Pregnant in its entirety here.
I hope you enjoy my new essay, and I look forward to having you amongst my brood. If this is not your jam, smash that unsubscribe button and I’ll see you elsewhere. If you know someone who belongs here, please invite them in.
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Molly
Hi Molly, my friend, a woman, had a baby with her partner, also a woman. Her partner wanted a baby but her eggs were not viable. So my friend gave her eggs and after researching and considering sperm banks, her partner's 1st cousin, he lives in another country but they are close, offered to donate his sperm. They put my friend's eggs and cousin's sperm in her partner's uterus, which she then carried to full term. My friend and her partner are the proud parents of a gorgeous, talented, and very creative boy. It's possible! And because it was her first cousin, the child also shares both of their DNA. I can also tell you about my other friend who adopted and is also living 100% the mom life and all it's glorious ups and downs. Whatever you decide, as a mom myself, I can say loving/guiding/caring for and sharing knowledge and wisdom with a child in your life, is a great blessing. I can say my son has been my biggest blessing, my greatest teacher (I know that sounds cliche, but it's true for me), and also has (unbeknownst to him) has helped me heal a lot of childhood trauma and has helped me bring my inner child back online. I often joke I feel like a 10-year-old (having fun and being silly) except with a purse and a driver's license. I wish you all the best on your journey!